Frank Zappa

The Illinois Enema Bandit

Lyrics

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women

Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
(They'd be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

Lyrics continue below...

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois
He has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

The Illinois Enema Bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And the D.A. would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks (that's you)
And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see
Sayin' "Don't nobody have no sympathy
Hot soap water in the first degree!"
And then the bandit might say
"Why is everybody looking' at me?"

Well did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
Now, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"

Bandit are you guilty?
Bandit are you guilty?
Tell me now, what's your plea?
Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!"
Are you guilty? Bandit, did you do these deeds?
The Bandit say, "It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."