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SilentOctober
Your compatibility with TheWetBeaver is High.! Mmm! Can't wait for you to come back home, I have so much to tell you :) miss you, my friend.
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SilentOctober
Low compatibility, wt.h, this is impossible! Guess we're not musical soulmates anymore :(
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SilentOctober
Heyy I can't believe Lastfm said we were barely compatible musically for a while! Now it's back on track. So weird! Anyway, I missed flooding your shoutbox :D
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SilentOctober
Maybe we have more soulmates in life? And everyone in this world has one or more, but not everyone gets the chance to meet them? I think you meet certain people (or beings) throughout your life and you could talk to that person endlessly and there’s something so special between the two of you. It can be friendship or romance, but it becomes clear that on some level, the two of you belong together. I don’t know why, but that certainly makes me believe in something! Summer has come and gone! My birthday has come and gone, I turned 25. But I’m ready, I think. I have my anxieties about it, but growing old is a privilege. I’m in a much better place than I was last year. I like where my life is at right now. I’m proud of all I’ve done and how I changed it. Right now I have some very important exams coming up, and a lot of translation work to do. I have no time for anything else, not even music. I’m starting to be stressed out. My life is back to normal, I guess, haha :)
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SilentOctober
I loved your story about soulmates! I had a connection like that with a cat too once! But if you were my music teacher, you failed miserably, haha. I am a piano teacher’s worst nightmare! I can’t even read notes anymore! Ah, how beautiful, a houseboat in Amsterdam! I must do that too someday! Was it amazing? I’m going to tell my boyfriend about the idea, I think he’d love it. By the way, how expensive is it to live in Paris? Are rent prices high? He’s such a romantic, this one, keeps dropping hints about us moving to Paris someday, haha. He’s worse than me! Ah, soulmates. It’s so strange, I’m not sure wether to belive in it anymore. I used to, and I thought at one point, ah, this person is my soulmate. But I don’t think your true soulmate would ever abandon you. I think your true soulmate would hold on to you and never ever let you go. But I can’t explain the profound connections I think I had with certain people, the chemistry and how it felt like the stars were aligned.
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SilentOctober
Do you think we leave a piece of ourselves in each place we live in? There was this poem from one of my favorite artists, Robert Montgomery, I don’t know if I ever told you about him. He writes anonymus city poetry on billboards and such, and he writes it like a direct stream of consciousness into his psyche. He has fire poems, which are amazing, and social messages as well, like Banksy or Jenny Holzer. I love street art! The image I had on my previous lastfm page, with the billboard at night and the poem about airplanes was a picture of one of his street poems. I remember reading some of his poetry one night to my boyfriend who was not much into poetry before and it put him in a strange state of mind, contemplative and spacey. I love when that happens! Anyway, the poem I was telling you about was this: http://www.robertmontgomery.org/robertmontgomery.org/50.html I think I can describe perfectly each corner of the house I grew up in.
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SilentOctober
There are all kinds of love in the world, never the same love twice. I kept myself optimistic with poetry like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdJ6aUB2K4g I think I showed it to you before when I discovered it! But it’s so true, and so what I needed at the time. Oh god, I talked about my feelings so much already! Who knew I had that much stored up in me, haha. So, 50% of the Tool songs every week. Wow, that’s so amazing!!! Wish I could have been there to listen to you. I’m so glad you picked summertime sadness for our project, because I had started working on it. It’s going to be interesting! Take your time. I think I’ll pick two different mediums for this one, you’ll see. I really loved how you described summer melancholia. That’s so like you! Somehow, for some reason you became more dear to me after I read that, I don’t know why haha. I just imagine you as a kid and feeling things like I felt them when I was a kid, like your peach memory. It’s so beautiful :)
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SilentOctober
I then started having panic attacks in the subway and on the street, ah, it even hurts to remember it. I was in a very, very bad state, one of the most horrible times of my life. I don’t even think he knows how much he hurt me... You show someone your soul, you become close, you have something that seems amazing, magical... and then they drop you like your soul is an anchor. I’m glad I didn’t completely lose my trust in humans after that. It’s so fucking strange, knowing there is someone in this world who is a stranger to you now but they know your secrets. And you know theirs. And you’ll never forget it, but you also know you’ll never speak to them again. I let it go and lost all contact (however hard it was) so I could heal and move on. So to answer your question, I’d rather experience anything, even that, than nothing at all. I have to feel something, anything, and however it ends, the magic that arises between two humans at one time stays in both of you forever.
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SilentOctober
You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” I remember the last time I felt like this, it was back in March, and I went out for a walk early one morning a few days after it happened and I started crying on the street. I usually can control my emotions in public, but then I just couldn’t. It felt like someone slapped a sunburn on the inside of my soul. And I remembered that feeling. And I kind of scared myself, because I never heard anyone crying like that.
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SilentOctober
like she was longing for something she knew she was never going to have. I think that describes me very well. I never really lied to myself about loving someone, I must always say how I feel, I don’t know how to live any other way! But I do get these feelings sometimes, especially when I feel myself getting vulnerable with someone. Like my brain is in a bar fight with my heart, haha. Of course, after breaking up or something like that, I do hide my feelings – I think I’ve been humiliated enough, I can’t show my vulnerability anymore. This reminds me of a quote about love by Neil Gaiman. „Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
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SilentOctober
Pros: “Your memory will be preserved. You will get the best gifts. You will finally feel special.” Cons: “They are unable to communicate outside of art. You may see parts of yourself you don’t like in their art.” I think artists can be a wild ride, but if you can put up with all their strange emotions, you are in for a very interesting life. My boyfriend tells me, I feel like I’m caught in a hurricane when you start speaking! Haha. But he enjoys it. He loves how delicate and emotionally fragile I am, he said he never met anyone quite like me. Have I ever told you how he swept me off my feet? A few days after we started “dating”, he watched my favorite art film, The double life of Veronique and he gave me his review. And I was stunned, because that was exactly what I had felt while watching the film, exactly how I saw it. I remember him telling me I reminded him a lot of Veronique, that she was very emotional and open, and that there was also a constant sense of melancholy about her,
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SilentOctober
For example, going blind for a day (long strange story) or refusing to talk for a week with the person I was with. It even seems kind of cruel, but at the time I had a reasoning behind it. I was not understood and forgiven. But I am an emotional mess, that is true. I’m not for everybody, I’m barely for myself. I think my current boyfriend handles me very well! I think in life we don’t really need someone to understand us, just someone who wants to. And I told him jokingly once, I’m a hand grenade. Be careful with me. It’s just… sometimes I don’t know how to handle all these abstract complex emotions I get. But I think what I give back when I feel loved and cared about is amazing. The amount of love my little heart can feel and how I express it. There was this image I liked, about pros and cons when in a relationship with an artist.
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SilentOctober
Then I proceeded to tell him, a complete stranger on the internet, the state of existential abyss I was in and how I was longing to disappear. And he didn’t reply for a month, but then he did and said my message was surprising to read. He said something “Girl, the way you describe fading away from everyone and everything and even your own existence… fuck! But let me feel it! I know exactly what you mean”. And I was in a much better state by then, and all I could think was, I made a stranger from across the ocean go “Fuck!”, haha. Sometimes I forget how intense I am! And I think I am too much sometimes for most people because they are not used to such intensity and openness. I especially get very crazy when I’m in love! When I think back about some of the things I did in my last relationship, I make myself go “Fuck!”, haha. Things that seem so crazy, but I felt so passionate that in my mind at the time they made sense.
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SilentOctober
Because not all of them, but I think the last person I loved was a good person. Talking about this and songs you get stuck in, some months ago I was in this sort of… existential abyss. And I was stuck in the song How to disappear completely (and never be found again) from Radiohead. And this guy on lastfm from Mexico found me while I was listening to it and left me a message, saying he gets stuck in that song as well. And I shared with him a comment I saw on the song page that really struck me then. “I know this song. It plays when you love someone enough to let them completely inside… and they find the abyss. It looks just like their own. They pull away. They board up their windows, choose a new name. You delete their contact information, their photos, their emails. You never speak to them again. You still miss them. More, each day. They stay hidden. You can’t tell them not to worry. You can’t help them forget their fear, to move on, without you. Unless you disappear. Completely.”
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SilentOctober
But at the same time, you remain a mystery for them as well. I think, after a breakup, or some kind of intense negative social interaction that involves matters of the heart, it’s best if you lose touch completely with that person. You won’t be able to hurt each other anymore and even though it feels strange, someone you’re close to becoming a stranger, somehow it doesn’t feel right but it’s for the best in the end. And they remain in your memory like that, and that’s how it should be. The human mind is as fascinating as the Universe; it can bring back from the dead a person through memory. I say, people who want to leave should just leave and never come back. At the same time, in a strange way, I feel that all the people I loved I will always love, but in a different way. And in an even stranger way, I hope they are loved and happy, regardless of how much they hurt me.
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SilentOctober
Most people would have run away quickly after my erratic behavior. He’s just so kind, patient and sweet. We talk so much, all the time. No one would waste their time like that if they weren’t serious. And he’ll come to see me so very soon, I can’t wait for it! I asked someone once, How many times can people repeat the same fucking feelings? But I say, trust love once more and always once more. It doesn’t matter what was before, it has nothing to do with the new people in your life. Everyone gets a blank page in the beginning. I just think, if I could love the wrong ones so much, I can only imagine how much I can love the right one. And this brings me back to what you mentioned about being alone and ghost persons. You know, when someone disappears from your life forever after living something intense with them, they become this big fucking question mark in your life. It certainly makes them more mysterious and it gives them a “the one who got away” allure!
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SilentOctober
Like in poker, I bet everything on him. Maybe from the outside this may seem naïve, and perhaps it is. Usually if something seems too good to be true, it is. But we’ve been together for more than two months now and it feels like we’ve been together for years, we are so close, like we’ve known each other since forever. I told him when we started it, I can’t do it, I’m emotionally exhausted, I just went through something so intense just a few months ago. And he said we can take it as slow as I want, that he enjoyed my company so much and all he wants to do is talk. Then at one point I asked him if he realized what a long-distance relationship means. He said he will fight for it fiercely. He will do everything he can for us to be together. And I don’t know why, but everything he said sounded very honest to me, always. He never gave up on me, even when I gave him every reason to. I spiraled out so many times, had a meltdown in front of him, but he picked me up every single time.
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SilentOctober
Oh, if you feel bad about replying late, what should I say? Eh, we’ll always reply to each other in the end! Life gets so hectic sometimes, and it takes time and energy to write proper correspondence like we do :)! So don’t worry about it. This new site is so bad! Lastfm kinda fucked us! I barely know how to manage everything here, I’m trying to figure it all out. I’m not really sure I’ll stay, I don’t enjoy it anymore. Regarding the concerns you had in the last message, I want to say, even though it’s hard for me to trust, especially on the internet, after getting seriously burned not that long ago, I never had any doubts about him. As I told him right in the beginning, when I give you my heart, I will trust you completely, never doubt you and always believe in you. There is no other way. So my trust has been broken so many times, I’ve been cheated on, abused, abandoned… but I don’t have any fear with him. I believe in him with all my heart, more than I’ve believed in anyone.
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SilentOctober
Hah, I laughed out loud at your stereo system suggestion! Who knows? I really feel this sense of familiarity with you. It could be we had a somewhat similar journey in life, feel things a certain way, like the same stuff and have a lot of things in common. I really love it when this happens, it's so rare to find someone so similar and open. Wow, I heard Sufjan's concerts are expensive. I have a friend in the US who recently went to one and said she cried the whole time, especially during The Fourth of July song. To me Deftones would be my no. 1 choice, no choice at all. It was so amazing when I saw them live. Yeah, Amenra is unmissable! I think they put on an amazing show all the time. Colin is screaming away his demons, it's so powerful. I think the venue matters, too. You can see an interesting interview with him here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jG0SC3eIsOU And I'll be seeing Torche this fall, that seems interesting!
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SilentOctober
Oh, Damien Rice has quite some stories during concerts! There was this video of him explaining the story behind the song Cheers Darlin'. I think he captures the atmosphere so well https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGs-smk5-WM I have to get my hands on that magazine of yours! It's filled with amazing recommendations I see! I'll check out Chelsea Wolfe, sounds good! I occasionally listen to a prog album, and when I listen to new music I have to give it a couple of repeats if I like it, let it sink in. I couldn't listen to an album after another like you! And honestly I find most progressive kinda boring (blasphemy, I know!) so I am open to a lot of new, interesting types of music. I love music that inspires me or reflects my state of mind. I repeat forever when I find a song like that. Most of all, I love music that makes me feel, and it doesn't happen very often. I think I appreciate in music most of all when it comes from personal experience, I feel it's most powerful that way.
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SilentOctober
I only see my family 2 or 3 times a year. My brother is 16, so he's still in high school and living with our parents. It's strange, I don't really feel at home here anymore, but I don't feel at home in my apartment in Bucharest either. I somewhat tried to put this feeling into a photograph. This one: http://silencedesreves.deviantart.com/art/What-might-have-been-lost-481172866 I think it's always easier for the one who leaves. At least the one who leaves has something exciting and new to look forward to and change comes easier in a different environment. Can you imagine staying in the same place after a break-up for example? The whole room filled with the moments you shared and their presence. I think La dispute captured this feeling very well in the song "Woman (reading)" The lyrics are brilliant and he sings it so intensely, "I remember it so well, watching you shifting your weight, turning the page, I can see it all there/ Do you put your book down look and try to find me there?"
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SilentOctober
I sometimes plan my art pieces, find symbols or have metaphors in my head during the day. Sometimes inspiration hits instantly, and I must express myself right then and there. It's such a great feeling when I feel so much, I am so filled with emotion and inner life, I have to put it down somewhere. But this painting I just finished is a different thing because I made it for someone. Art usually does not consume me so. I don't think I would ever do this again for anyone, it's strange giving it away after I put so much emotion into it, like giving up a piece of myself I may never see again. I also worked on a piece of writing to go with the painting throughout the month. I wanted to make something really special for his birthday. I think I'll only post it tomorrow, I polished it today. He wanted to see it after he comes back from his trip in Amsterdam, not on his actual birthday. It's so strange, if it was me, I couldn't wait to see my present! What's the best gift you ever got?
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SilentOctober
White summers are those full of lawn and linen, the sea and soft sunshine, curtains flowing the wind, cherries and children’s smiles, in which you feel disconnected and light, almost floating, dreamy and distant in a haze of white dandelion fluff. You don’t ever want to land. Dark summers are honeyed and sulky, full of pomegranates, thunderstorms, magnolias and un-kept promises. Cinematic and shadowy, you exist in a trance of melancholy, and feel passionately, though feign detachment. Pandora opens the box, and lightening fills the sky. What do you think? We could do all of them! I'm already curious about the medium I'll chose for this one. Maybe more than one? It would be interesting to try a book or a song or a film next time! Thank you for your words about my art! The way I work while painting has to do with finding that place within myself where I can release my inner consciousness. I listen to music like CocoRosie while I do it, it helps a lot.
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SilentOctober
I appreciate how determined you are in mixing up and improving your guitar skills! I think I told you someone played a Tool song for me recently and I was swept away, heh. About our art project, I think some interesting themes would be: What is love for you? Or something Universe-related (wild idea: how sex in a nebula would feel like) Or something that has been on my mind these couple of days: summertime sadness. Have you ever had that feeling, in the summer, a sort of existential boredom? Not when you were a kid, but more grown up, maybe not quite working? Having the summer to yourself. I remember this one summer I ate frozen food and watched Mad Men all day in a summer dress, lounging around the house. I remember so vividly certain summer moments, when I was my only company and I liked it. Being nothing for no one and nobody expecting anything of you. I think there are two types of summer; white and dark.
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SilentOctober
Life's so good now for me, so I have to say, I want to throw a party for the heartbreak that turned me into a poet. Maybe some things happen and they don't make sense, but I want to think everything that happens makes sense in the end. I think about people I lost or people who lost me, and I feel, at some point in your life someone comes along to help you in a way, and then disappear. These people may stay ghosts inside of you for a long time, or you may never forget them, but experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. If people you love are not aligned with you and your growth, you send them love and move along. If someone loves you, they stay in your life, if they don't, they leave. I think it's that simple. As Pablo Neruda said, Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us. I feel like a different person from who I was last year, in essence, the same, yes, but my life changed in so many ways. And being weird? It's good. Weird is not boring! Embrace it!
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SilentOctober
I decided against getting a job this summer. I take freelance jobs from time to time, but I think for now it's best I enjoy my last summer as a student, properly recharge for the year in front of me, it will be very difficult. Ah yes, the eternal question, changing your past and what if? I think I'd drive myself crazy if I thought about it for long. I used to do that and I wasn't happy, and it kept me from living in the present. I guess for each of us, there is one point where you could have chosen a different path and your life would be nothing like it is now. I think about my studies and my dream of becoming a film director, I wonder how would I have been now, after living in that world. Otherwise, except for some childhood moments, I think about relationships and how it would have been if I or other people had done things differently. The people I let go or couldn't give them a chance, or the people who let me go. I think I would have been really unhappy in the end.
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SilentOctober
Yes, I know what you mean about casual discussion, defending your point of view, and all. But I prefer healthy debate over anything else. I love talking about my views on everything. I am so opinionated, my friends get sick of me talking! I love it when I find new interesting people to share my opinions with. Oh, I meant Moksha was an album from the grindcore band I was seeing, Cloud Rat. I listened to My Sleeping Karma and it was so good! Thank you again for all your recommendations. I never found someone with such similar music taste as me. Are you my musical soulmate? Haha! I just saw you're going to see Amenra and Sufjan!! And maybe Deftones in the fall? Jealous to infinity and back! :)
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SilentOctober
before you mentioned it, but I asked him for us to do a piece of art together, considering he draws pretty amazingly. Oh, Damien Rice. One of my all time favorite artists, but I can't listen much to him now, music has a way of bringing back memories in a bad way. I think Damien is in love with love. He will break your heart and then write a song about how you broke his. And the interesting thing is that he would be right in a way, because you have failed to achieve the romantic ideal... Strange, right? He is a tormented artist, but actually fun as a person. I remember that before one of his shows, relying on the fact that people probably don't know how he looks like, he walked around some of the people in the audience asking "So what do you think about this guy, Damien Rice?" Haha. But that Rootless tree version is so powerful because they are singing about each other. I think most of Damien's music is about Lisa. Can you imagine the level of tension between them as they sing?
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SilentOctober
if you would scrape off the paint on the surface, you would find another painting. In order to do this, I worked on it at least 40 times. I had many times to wait for the paint to dry and have unique color mixes in. It's also an abstract, but full of symbols and color choices, brush strokes that only he will understand. I wanted to paint what I feel, but also make it aesthetically pleasing, because he'll see it every day. I don't think I ever worked so much on one piece of art, physically and mentally. I'll post in on dA tomorrow, so you can see it if you want to! Making a piece of art on the same theme with you would be amazing! I'm ready to start anytime, I just got home at my parents house in Transylvania for a few weeks. My brother took off for Brazil for a year this morning, the house is so quiet. I have a lot of time to relax and make art now, and also to keep in touch better. So just say the word and we'll do it! Funny thing, I suggested the same thing to my boyfriend just days
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SilentOctober
I know from personal experience that I feel most alive when I'm with people who don't have feelings, like I want to breathe life into them. I am very excited to hear more of your music! Send whenever it's ready! Ah yes, my paintings and poetry. I wrote 4 new poems, I have 2 photographs and 3 paintings so far. Actually just today I finished another painting, acrylic on canvas, I've been working on it for a month. It's a birthday gift for my boyfriend (his birthday is tomorrow!), I will give it to him so he has it on his wall. I am so nervous, I hope he'll love it, he has very pretentious taste in art, haha. It's actually very important for me, I never gave a piece of my own art away. It was emotionally and physically draining to make it (I usually paint on the floor, like Jackson Pollock said, I feel nearer, more part of the painting, since this way I can walk around it, work from the four sides and literally be in the painting.), I also worked in layers, so
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SilentOctober
Hey you. I hope work is going well. I think most choices that you know for a fact have long-term consequences are the tough ones. For example, when you make a big decision, like moving someplace else, getting married, new job, or breaking up with someone, knowing, in that moment, that you may never see or speak to them again. Being prepared to lose them forever. But sometimes, however senseless a decision may seem, it comes to make sense one day. I think we talked about this, but I am grateful for everything that led me to where I am now. So how many wrong turns could I have taken? Life has its way of sorting itself out, if you're open to change and bold enough to really change your life I think. I find it somewhat surprising that you say you feel like you don't have emotions to express. I think from what we talked, you have a very vivid inner life :) I also think everyone needs contrast, so it's great that your girlfriend is like that!
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SilentOctober
I wouldn't say I'm afraid of public speaking, but it is definitely out of my comfort zone. My job would imply me being very spontaneous and in order to interpret any speech like I know what I'm talking about as you said, that would mean being very knowledgeable about most everything. I'm working on it, haha. People say I have a very warm and soothing voice, so I think it comes as a great plus as an interpreter. I know if I like someone's voice, I could listen to them talk about anything forever and ever, haha. I'm going to listen to My Sleeping Karma soon, from what you describe, it suits my mood! I haven't been around music much lately, but I'm going to a concert I'm really excited about this week! One of my good friends is playing in the opening for Cloud Rat. Maybe you should listen to them, try Moksha If you're ever in the mood for some really good grindcore! Oh I am enjoying Mark Lanegan so much more than I thought! I think Bubblegum is the theme album for this time in my life!
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SilentOctober
Btw you should definitely upload more songs, I'm really enjoying them! My favorite is Outside on a snowy day. Speaking of your playlists, I noticed you have the song Rootless Tree from Damien Rice. Such a perfect song after a heartbreak. "Let me out, let me out because it's hell when you're around" . Oh and you know the version where he sings with Lisa Hannigan? There's that line, "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and all you didn't do" he sings FUCK YOU angrily, while she sings softly. It's such an interesting contrast. But then again, Damien's music plays your heartstrings like no other. I think he is in love with love! Where was I? I got distracted by myself again, haha. I admire how you always want to challenge yourself. I try to do that too, always. Change is certainly hard to get into, but there's nothing worse than being stuck somewhere you don't belong. I wasn't a big fan of GoT, but I am certainly getting into it now. I think Castamere would sound really good anyway. So haunting.
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SilentOctober
I listened to your post-rock songs! Wow, they are really good! I love the mood! I really love how you can transfer moods or feelings into art, into music. I recently started painting like never before, I am painting my feelings in abstract paintings and it feels so good. You really have the music in you, don't you. I can feel the Explosions in the Sky influence in them and it's amazing! I'll never forget how we talked about A song for our fathers and what it meant to us. I love the internet for the way it brings people together, forming profound connections. What are the chances anyone around me listened to that song and felt like that? Look, proof of serendipity! Me randomly stumbling across your profile and being mesmerized by finding another huge Tool fan. And seeing in your playlists so many of my favorite songs. And the level of conversation we've had, I am so happy about that. I'm sure I've told you this before, heh.
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SilentOctober
to live such a long life. I always felt I won't live very long. And I've always found it hard to live without regrets. Lately I've let go of the past in such a good way. I lived too much anchored in it. I really feel like a new life is starting for me. It's amazing what being with someone who balances you out so perfectly can do to your life. Ah, love is all I seem to be able to talk about these days, haha :) What a nice idea to write memory texts! I'm very fond of my childhood too, I have amazing memories from back when I was a little girl. I used to write little daydreams and such ever since I learned to write, haha. Share a childhood memory with me in your next pm! I'm into scrapbooking a lot, too. Preserving memories with loved ones. I've recently started doing it again. I also love DIY projects around the house. I am so domestic, haha. You should see me in Zara Home lusting over kitchenware like a 42 year old mother of three, hahaha!
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SilentOctober
I think I make my job even harder by having ridiculously high standards for myself. And I find that I do that in life, too. And I have ridiculously high expectations from others too! I can't say I haven't been disappointed many, many times, but sometimes you find some people who never disappoint you. I am so difficult sometimes I think haha. I find that it's not easy to gain my admiration or respect, but if someone does, one bad thing is enough for them to come crashing down in my eyes, if I haven't started caring about them. I told you how I care too much, or I don't care at all. But that is starting to change now. I am more balanced than I've ever been! Wow, I really went off topic there, haha. My point is, why can't everyone around me be like you or other online friends I have? Quality people are hard to find, that is certain. I can't believe you called a city ugly, haha! I guess you've already visited your family! How was it? Happy birthday to your grandmother! I wonder how it is
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SilentOctober
Wow, it's been so long since I socialized here! So sorry for the unacceptably late reply! I've had so much going on. Life is so strange lately. Every day seems like a shoegaze song and you have no eyes and ears for anyone else. Ah, love :) I don't think serendipity is pompous! How dare you compare it to something ridiculous like Anatidaephobia haha. I've had something accidental that turned out to be wonderful a lot of times! I love the concept! I love the movie! I don't believe in much, but there are some things I believe in. Yeah, being a freelancer is challenging but rewarding if you manage to have a client base, the beginning is the hard part, it's not as reliable as a 9 to 5 and sometimes it can be quite a headache if it's your only source of income. Your plan sounds good! :) I am efficient on my laptop at night, too. Sometimes during the day I randomly find myself thinking about a word or a phrase, it's so challenging to translate something perfectly.
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SilentOctober
Of course, it's easy to dream when I'm a student, haha. But I have actually thought about it because I see everyone around me like that. And I said it's no big deal, but when I started working it was one of the most depressing times in my life, I would just come home every night and watch a tv show and listen to Roslyn from Bon Iver on repeat all night. I had no interest in doing anything, I just wanted to sleep forever, like in Sober. Then I discovered interpreting and finally it all made sense! I had found a way to avoid a fixed schedule and have really intense working periods instead. When I understood it meant largely expanding my general knowledge and always learning something new, traveling and getting way out of my comfort zone by speaking in public, I just knew. By the way, I finally started to listen to some of your recommendations. I get why you said The Fragile from NIN is so different from The Downward Spiral, I liked it so much more!I'm falling in love with ML's Bubblegum!
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SilentOctober
How long have you been playing guitar? I can play the piano, although I haven't played in 10 years until recently when I learned pretty quickly how to play Rains of Castamere from Game of Thrones! I'm thinking of taking up the piano again this summer if I have the time. It relaxes me so much, I feel so good when I play. I get what you mean about the comfort zone, that's why I always challenge myself. The job I will have will definitely not allow me to stay in any kind of comfort zone. I don't think it's laziness, I think the fixed schedule messes with you sometimes, it kills your creative and spontaneous spirit. And it tires you, and the city tires you. When I started working for the first time, I couldn't wait for the weekend so I could just sleep. It's pretty sad. We have to go to great lengths to actually live and not just work and sleep. Whatever my job will be, I will try to do something different always, to make my life a work of art. I don't want to wake up feeling like a robot.
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SilentOctober
I also need to recharge for the new school year, it will be my last and everything will be much harder than it's been until now, and it's been pretty hard so far so that's saying something, haha. It's so great that you are going to see your family! What do you love most about going there? Something more psychedelic and instrumental sounds great. One night I went to this concert and a post-rock band played in the beginning. One guy, one electric guitar and a lot of amplifiers. It was a very small venue and I was tired and a bit numbed out from the beer. There were strange images playing in the background. It put me in a very interesting mood. At one point I felt like I was lost in the forest and in another moment I felt I was on top of an iceberg. The floor was vibrating and people started to sit down! I don't think I'll ever forget that night, it was so great. The band was called Modern Ghosts of the Road, I'm pretty sure you can find his music for free.
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SilentOctober
Wow that is so cool about Bruce Soord! Yeah, serendipity is my favorite word in the English language, actually! I love it. I didn't find the lyrics yet, but send me the link and I shall try to analyze, haha. I am always up for a challenge! I like how personal it is, and it's so beautiful to hear about your bandmates feeling like they have their own world. I haven't seen Map To The Stars yet, maybe I will. I really loved Interstellar! I saw it at the cinema some months ago and it was quite an experience. I work as a freelance translator, but I will be looking for something with a fixed schedule for the summer. Probably something in translations. I feel so useless when it's summer, haha. But it's not a sure thing, who knows what July might bring. I dream of a vacation for some months somewhere near the sea, where I can do whatever I want to, and take a break from the crazy studying and translating, just live a little and especially make art. I have so many emotions to process these days.
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SilentOctober
I like how indeedly sounds, haha! I haven't yet watched Firefly, but it's been on my watchlist for a really long time. That shop sounds wonderful! I love to go to this used books store I've known for years, it's filled with that old-book smell and they play jazz in the background, I just love that atmosphere. I dream of having the time to watch everything and read everything and listen to everything. I plan on working this summer until the school year starts in autumn, so that seems pretty far away. Did you say you just started a new job? What's it like? Let me know if you got any of the books and we can discuss them! From what I gather, the rush you get on stage and the beautiful art you create makes it all worth it! If you had another band, what would you play? What kind of music lessons are you interested in?
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SilentOctober
I swear to God, all week I had that line in my head "Don't go gentle into that good night/Rage, rage against the dying of the light". I was shocked to hear it! Sorry I took my sweet time to reply, I wanted to give the album a couple of listens before I would make an impression. Well, I think it's very energetic, it has this power to it, I can't do anything else while I listen to it, I think that's what makes a great album! I really love the Universe concept! I love (Interstellar)! It's an interlude, right? My favorite song is Fucked up serendipity! I'm definitely going to listen to it again soon! Thank you for sharing, you did beautiful work, so congratulations :)
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SilentOctober
I'm excited to hear about the new record with your band! Oh, I keep forgetting you're a star, :P. How does it feel, being on stage? And do you often have lots of band practice? Aah, you are going to see La Dispute in 3 days... I danced alone on my balcony on Said the kind to the river last week, how sad for me, haha. Bump into someone at the concert for me if they play it, will you? hahaha
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SilentOctober
I was so caught in it I had moments where I felt I was going blind myself just from how he described it. I also like Milan Kundera (especially The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, The Joke, The Unbearable Lightness of being), Anna Gavalda (Je voudrais que quelqu'un m'attende quelque part, Je l'aimais) Michael Cunningham (A Home at the End of the World, The Hours, Specimen Days, By nightfall) but some classics too like Flaubert and Dostoyevsky. I love absurdism, especially in theatre, authors like Samuel Beckett, Edward Albee, Harold Pinter and Tom Stoppard. Albert Camus is one of my favorite writers, too. Are you familiar with Raymond Queneau's Zazie dans le Métro? I remember reading it in high school and I was very confused, haha. I enjoyed exploring Dadaism and avant-garde in a variety of art forms. There are so many books and authors I love though, I could talk about it forever. It's almost as impossible as writing the list of my favorite songs or movies, haha.
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SilentOctober
The Black Box by Amos Oz reflects Israel in a very interesting way, the whole book is practically letters the characters send to each other and that's the only way you know them and what's happening. Henry Miller wrote a lot about humans and life, a lot of autobiography (and he had a wild life) but most books are a tough read and filled with sexuality, like Tropic of Capricorn and Tropic of Cancer, Black spring or the Sexus trilogy, The Rosy Crucifixion. Andreï Makine writes in a very unique way with perspectives on Russia and France, in books like Le Testament français, La Femme qui attendait, or Le Crime d'Olga Arbelina. I recently read a very tough book called Blindness by José Saramago, it was so haunting. It's the story of an unexplained mass epidemic of blindness affecting nearly everyone and the social breakdown that comes with it. The way human nature captured in that book is frightening!
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SilentOctober
My favorite writer is Jonathan Coe because he writes in a way that I would write if I could write like that. I like his way of describing moments and feelings and how vivid his characters are, his wit and his delicacy. The House of Sleep was my favorite book for a long time, in a way it still is. I remember after I read The rain before it falls from him, I was dying to listen to a song he kept mentioning: two of the characters heard that song on the radio in some moments and it created a very vivid world in my mind. I'm talking about Canteloube - "Bailero" - Sung by Netania Davrath in Occitan! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iI8tMHrD_c I think moments like that have an unspeakable beauty. I love getting lost inside the universe of a book like that and I love when that world is expressed in such a powerful way. I like reading about other cultures and how they think.
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SilentOctober
My favorite TV show is Six Feet Under (I loved the perspectives each episode put on life, the depth and complexity the characters had, its originality and how I found myself in certain characters. I really liked how they showed no one is either good or bad, that we don't live in a black and white world and seeing how they dealt with how fucked up their lives were sometimes) and Stargate Universe. I like HBO shows, and there are a couple of shows in Romania produced by them that are really good, but mostly in Romania tv is crap, really really bad, kinda like the telenovelas but worse and way more pathetic, haha. I think most of the books I read put some kind of perspective on life and people and how they develop themselves. I love the writings of Virginia Woolf (Mrs Dalloway is my favorite) and she experimented a lot with stream of consciousness and the underlying psychological as well as emotional motives of characters in her work.
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SilentOctober
Do you remember when your former president Sarkozy said Alsace? Well that happens with politicians in my country all the time. I watched all seasons of Scrubs some years ago! I really liked the bro-love relationship between Turk and J.D. and the sarcastic wit of dr. Cox! Oh, and how could I forget about dr. Ian Itor, hahaha! I liked that they had serious moments as well and put some things into perspective. Who was your favorite character? Did you watch Cougar Town, too? Are you a fan of Zach Braff? Because I remember you said Garden State was one of your favorite movies. My all-time favorite fun TV show is Friends, whenever I watch it feels like home to me. I have 90s nostalgia, haha. I also liked the first seasons of How I met your mother a lot. I like Castle too, but mostly because I have a mild obsession with Nathan Filion, haha.
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SilentOctober
Here's a song that captures that spirit well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6jilw-6X_E the lyrics remind the Dacian sage: http://www.lyricsreg.com/lyrics/dordeduh/Dojana+english+translated/ That's a black metal band btw. Some historians say the first recorded writings are the Tărtăria tablets and come from a village from Transylvania, not Sumer. Anyway, we don't have much left from them, but I did go to an archeology camp some years ago and unearthed some broken pottery and artefacts belonging to my ancestors. You know, I think this country could have been so much better in so many ways if only we'd had better leaders. A lot of valuable people left the country to go to France because they couldn't do anything here, like Constantin Brâncuși, one of the world's greatest sculptors (he actually WALKED to Paris from his village) Eugène Ionesco, Emil Cioran, Matei Vișniec (my favorite playwright).
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